Dear younger self on the day of your high school graduation,
You are about to graduate from high school and in a few
months you’ll head off to Los Angeles to start college and a new life. If I remember correctly, you’re equal
parts excited and terrified about this prospect. It’s a feeling you might want to get used to, it’ll come up
again and again. For the most
part, the experiences you will have over the next twenty years will be pretty
necessary, even if you think you could do without them some of them. That being said, if I were in a
position, on the eve of my twenty year high school reunion, to give you some
advice that might make the challenges easier to bear, the good stuff easier to
recognize and the whole shebang happen in a more fashionable wardrobe, believe
me, I would. So here goes…
The Good
You’re about to meet a guy, who weirdly enough, your
14-year-old sister is going to set you up with. He’s pretty awesome, and when he says he loves you, he
really means it. You’re going to
break up with him in a year and a half or so. You should.
You’re young, you live far
apart, you have lots to see and do before you settle down. But here’s the part that’s really
important. This guy is probably
the most truthful, genuine, caring guy you’ll meet for a long time, so he’s a
good yardstick to measure the rest of them up to. If they fall short, and they will, chalk it up to a learning
experience and just hang in there.
When you meet another one like him, you’ll know it, and this time,
you’ll be good and ready. You’ll
pick some good ones, or they will pick you. You’ll also pick a lot of questionable ones, and on more
than one occasion you’ll wish you’d never met those. Don’t. Almost every
one of them teaches you something valuable. Well, except the really pretty one. You’ll know who I mean. He’ll turn out to be a good friend in
the end but don’t go with him to that house party in the Hollywood Hills. It’ll happen pre-iPhone days (just wait,
kind of amazing), and you’ll be stuck in a gilded bathroom with a handful of
Hollywood posers snorting blow all night and you won’t be able to GPS your
location to get a cab and get the hell out of there. You already know cocaine is stupid and pointless, and
thankfully you didn’t have to learn it the hard way. So just save yourself the agony of that long night, because it’s
gonna suck, and you won’t be able to get it back.
The Bad
In the middle of your twenties, something pretty crummy is
going to happen. It’s going to
feel as if the world has turned you inside out, like you’re some pair of ill
fitting clothes on someone else’s body.
You won’t know how to make it through. I’m not about to tell you what happens, because there’s
simply and absolutely nothing you can do to make it different. I’m just here to tell you, I love you
and it won’t ever be okay, but you’ll get through it.
The Ugly
Generally, you’re not half bad in the fashion
department. Your choices are often
on the safe side, you could stand a few more pieces with patterns to break up
all that solid color, but most days you’ll get through without someone
whispering “fashion victim,” or “fail” behind your back. I said most days. When you start college, please for the
love of God, do not wear Birkenstocks with socks for the better part of your
freshman year. You’re moving to
California, not a hippie commune.
Yes, I know they are comfy and you have a long walk to class every
day. That is what tennis shoes are
for. And lose the stomach baring
cropped sweaters senior year. You
are cute, and post freshmen fifteen, in pretty decent shape, but you are not
Britney Spears. As for the hair, skip
the attempt at red highlights. And
the blue. But keep the purple, those
actually work.
Shoulda Would Coulda
I don’t want to tell you to change much about how you do all
the things you are about to do.
Because I think most of your choices are going to be the things that
shape the woman you will become over the next twenty years, and that’s a woman
who doesn’t believe in regretting choices or spending too much time looking
back on all the things she should have done differently. That being said, there’s this one
thing. You like to write. In college you’ll write even more –
papers for school, lousy poetry for the boys you like which they will never
read, and stories. You’ll write at
night when you can’t sleep. You’ll
write for fun even when you’ve spent all day on a paper for school. You’ll find that you love it. Don’t ignore that. When you think maybe you should take
some writing classes, do it. If
you find yourself wondering if a degree in Creative Writing is a good idea,
remember that I told you it is.
And that day, in the first year after you get out of college, when you
start to write that story that you will think might turn into a novel, don’t
stop writing it. Don’t put it down
for months and years at a time.
You’ll be afraid you don’t have it in you to write a whole book. That you can’t do it. You can. Just keep writing.
Think really hard about whether that master’s degree you are about to
apply for shouldn’t be an MFA.
Decide for yourself, but don’t be scared to just go for it.
Life two decades from now will be pretty good, despite the
fact that it will look exactly nothing like you picture it right now. And on the last weekend in April, 2012,
you’ll be headed to your 20 year high school reunion. You’ll be looking forward to it, and you’ll still be friends
with a few of the girls you’re standing now standing around with in white
dresses with abnormally large bows on the sleeves and equally outsized white
hats. Right now, in this moment,
you all look the same. 84 women on
the verge. In 20 years, you’ll be
84 different women. Because of it
all. And that’s a good thing.
I think you are more of the exact person you were. Glad to know there is a thread of connection still there.
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